NaNoWriMo: Exert 1
I'm absolutely buried with writing my novel. I'm about three days behind. That's 9500 words! It's much harder than I thought but I'm learning a lot and it is really fun. It's much easier if you're not concerned about getting published.
I don't have time to watch any movies or post here so I thought I'd torture you with an exert from the novel. It's really dreadful but it's worse when you know that it's probably one of the better parts. Proceed only if your literturary sensibilities are not fragile.
Working title: The Mad Osakazuki Five of Cal-Tech
Genre: Adventure
SOMEWHERE IN THE US, 2007
Seated on a stool, a tall dark haired man in a crisp white lab coat looks through a microscope. Ichi is stern, serious, and calculated. His colleague, Ni, stands next to him impatiently. Ni is much shorter, only able to reach eye level while his colleague is seated. In the background a small color television is tuned to a national news channel. "It's successful, isn't it?" Ni finally prods.
Ichi takes his time looking up and responding. Instead of looking at Ni he watches the events unfolding on the broadcast. "Yes. We've done it."
"Bonsai! It's good to finally hear you admit it. We've tested the damn thing enough." Unable to contain his energy he paces back and forth in a small zone around Ichi. Waving his arms, "Can we start development now?"
Ichi's gaze never leaves the television, "Calm down. We need a plan. And a conduit."
The words scrolling across the bottom of the news story tells the viewer of the groundbreaking taking place in New York, "We will be getting live feed in just moments of this historic occasion…".
Ni can barely contain himself, "But nothing can stop us now. This is fool proof! Our destiny is finally realized! We can exact our revenge"
"That always was your problem, Ni. You never calculate for the unexpected. Or in your typical, overblown sense of self-importance have you already worked out how we’re going to get this distributed globally without detection?"
As usual, Ni moves from point A to point Z in one stroke. He never learns. That's why Ichi was number one. "We'll drop it into rain clouds or use guided rockets over major cities or…" he trailed, his mind grasping at something that would dazzle Ichi and get things moving. "…or drop it into all major water systems."
The nationally popular female talking head can be heard commentating the unfolding events. On screen, the camera pans across hundreds of thousands of people, standing in the city streets, bundled against the cold, and waving small pale pink flags emblazoned with a green flower. "All of New York, and through this broadcast, the world, has turned out to witness the historic groundbreaking of the first totally green high rise building in downtown Manhattan. After years of planning and global coordination, the brain-child of London van Van is finally coming to life."
Ichi's apparent indifference to Ni's suggestions infuriated him. He was a major contributor to this project. Ichi couldn't have done it without him but Ichi ignored him, staring at the television as if he hadn't said a word. He didn't even give Ni the satisfaction of patronizing him.
"The Green Tulip is a seventy story, green reflective structure of beauty in architecture, nature, and diversity. Never has there been such a project that has united so many people in love, preservation, and cooperation since the Svalbard Global Seed Vault project."
Ni makes the mistake of grabbing Ichi's upper arm, "Are you listening to me?"
"And the center of all that love and cooperation is the one everyone calls the first green ambassador, London van Van with his partner, Arie Visser."
Driving Ni into submission was as simple as standing up, which Ichi did slowly while making steady, strong eye contact with Ni. The result was predictable. Ni dropped his hand as if dead weight and made a hesitant step backwards. "Yes. That's how we'll do it. The water systems. Covert, hard to detect the origin, and it will get to the source immediately. Well done, Ni." Ni blinked, stunned at the approval. How could Ichi so easily make him feel like he was trying to gain approval from his father? Turning back to the television, "And I also believe we've found our conduit."
The camera now zooms in on a tall blond man with a disarming smile dressed in a brown coat. The crowd goes wild as he waves in response to their accolades. The commentator lilts, "Some say it's time to make van Van a true ambassador for the world."
I don't have time to watch any movies or post here so I thought I'd torture you with an exert from the novel. It's really dreadful but it's worse when you know that it's probably one of the better parts. Proceed only if your literturary sensibilities are not fragile.
Working title: The Mad Osakazuki Five of Cal-Tech
Genre: Adventure
SOMEWHERE IN THE US, 2007
Seated on a stool, a tall dark haired man in a crisp white lab coat looks through a microscope. Ichi is stern, serious, and calculated. His colleague, Ni, stands next to him impatiently. Ni is much shorter, only able to reach eye level while his colleague is seated. In the background a small color television is tuned to a national news channel. "It's successful, isn't it?" Ni finally prods.
Ichi takes his time looking up and responding. Instead of looking at Ni he watches the events unfolding on the broadcast. "Yes. We've done it."
"Bonsai! It's good to finally hear you admit it. We've tested the damn thing enough." Unable to contain his energy he paces back and forth in a small zone around Ichi. Waving his arms, "Can we start development now?"
Ichi's gaze never leaves the television, "Calm down. We need a plan. And a conduit."
The words scrolling across the bottom of the news story tells the viewer of the groundbreaking taking place in New York, "We will be getting live feed in just moments of this historic occasion…".
Ni can barely contain himself, "But nothing can stop us now. This is fool proof! Our destiny is finally realized! We can exact our revenge"
"That always was your problem, Ni. You never calculate for the unexpected. Or in your typical, overblown sense of self-importance have you already worked out how we’re going to get this distributed globally without detection?"
As usual, Ni moves from point A to point Z in one stroke. He never learns. That's why Ichi was number one. "We'll drop it into rain clouds or use guided rockets over major cities or…" he trailed, his mind grasping at something that would dazzle Ichi and get things moving. "…or drop it into all major water systems."
The nationally popular female talking head can be heard commentating the unfolding events. On screen, the camera pans across hundreds of thousands of people, standing in the city streets, bundled against the cold, and waving small pale pink flags emblazoned with a green flower. "All of New York, and through this broadcast, the world, has turned out to witness the historic groundbreaking of the first totally green high rise building in downtown Manhattan. After years of planning and global coordination, the brain-child of London van Van is finally coming to life."
Ichi's apparent indifference to Ni's suggestions infuriated him. He was a major contributor to this project. Ichi couldn't have done it without him but Ichi ignored him, staring at the television as if he hadn't said a word. He didn't even give Ni the satisfaction of patronizing him.
"The Green Tulip is a seventy story, green reflective structure of beauty in architecture, nature, and diversity. Never has there been such a project that has united so many people in love, preservation, and cooperation since the Svalbard Global Seed Vault project."
Ni makes the mistake of grabbing Ichi's upper arm, "Are you listening to me?"
"And the center of all that love and cooperation is the one everyone calls the first green ambassador, London van Van with his partner, Arie Visser."
Driving Ni into submission was as simple as standing up, which Ichi did slowly while making steady, strong eye contact with Ni. The result was predictable. Ni dropped his hand as if dead weight and made a hesitant step backwards. "Yes. That's how we'll do it. The water systems. Covert, hard to detect the origin, and it will get to the source immediately. Well done, Ni." Ni blinked, stunned at the approval. How could Ichi so easily make him feel like he was trying to gain approval from his father? Turning back to the television, "And I also believe we've found our conduit."
The camera now zooms in on a tall blond man with a disarming smile dressed in a brown coat. The crowd goes wild as he waves in response to their accolades. The commentator lilts, "Some say it's time to make van Van a true ambassador for the world."
posted by rhon at
1:31 PM
|
1 comments
What I find most compelling is how far into the head of the main character, Dr. Jeremy Cramer, the story is written. As the reader you can see how his guilt controls his drive and decisions in a way in which he is completely blind. It's not just a straight forward, spectator telling of the story but also a psychological one. There's a low grade level of grief in which the reader follows Dr. Cramer, yearning for him to be absolved.
